i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
