Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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