Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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