That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
