apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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