i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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