Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
