The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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