I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
