Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
