I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
