I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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