How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
