why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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