K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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