Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
