All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My dick has a subreddit
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
