Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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