I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize
