So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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