You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
