I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
