I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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