gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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