i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
