Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I woke up under a house in Key West
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
