Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We're too hungover to prance.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
