i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
