im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
