I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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