You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
