I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Randomize
