Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
