So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
