I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
