Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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