I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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