im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
