benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
