literally had 100 drinks last night.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
