we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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