i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's shark week go big or go home
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
