please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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