Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
