no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
