Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
