I wish I could punch you in the face.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
