he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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