Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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