and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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