he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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